diaper rashes and lessons in grace.

My baby has a diaper rash and I feel so guilty.

I feel guilty because maybe the diaper rash is my fault. Maybe I haven’t been changing her diaper often enough. Sometimes when I wake up to nurse her in the early hours of the morning and I’m so tired I can’t see straight, I decide to change her diaper before her feeding rather than after...or not at all. Maybe that’s a selfish decision because it means she’s probably spending more time in a wet diaper than she should. So maybe the diaper rash is my fault.

Or maybe it isn’t the frequency of the diaper changes that’s a problem, but the diaper itself. Maybe the rash started that week when we were short on cash and I bought the cheap diapers instead of the plant-based ones but still managed to afford coffee at Starbucks.

Or maybe the diaper rash isn’t my fault at all. Maybe she has sensitive skin and we just haven’t found a brand that doesn’t irritate her. Maybe diaper rashes are just part of being a baby.

So maybe her diaper rash is a lesson. Maybe one of the reasons God made me a mom was to teach me about grace. Grace isn’t just for other people. Grace is for me, too. Grace means forgiving yourself even when you screw up. Grace means recognizing that you aren’t perfect…and that’s okay. Moms aren’t perfect, but Emylie doesn’t need perfection. She just needs me.